An Open Letter to the People of Greece

Hello people of Greece! :)

First of all, I never congratulated you on winning Euro 2004, so well done for that.

On to my main topic regarding your rioting in the city centres in response to your government's plans to cut a few billion euros from the budget. Have you not been watching ANY news recently? You were almost bought by CHINA!! Things are getting slightly serious when a country 6,000 miles away is the only one that will invest in you. I think this is now the standard length of the proverbial 'barge pole'. Yes, 6,000 miles sounds about right.

If you must be reminded, your economy is broke and last year you received $145 billion (yes, BILLION with 9 zeros) in aid from the IMF and EU to pay off debts. Your credit rating is below the stalwart nations of Jamaica, Ghana and Belarus.

Seriously, rioting in the street costs even more money to fix (money, which I will remind you, you do not have). You're shooting yourselves in the foot!

Tricky

Let's get to the point right away - there is NO WAY ON EARTH that you can look good when performing with Beyonce. OK, Jay-Z can do it, but he's rapping with her, not singing with her so it's something else.

For her Glastonbury 2011 performance Beyonce introduced us to her personal 'friend' Tricky (stop laughing! It's probably a real name......)
He comes in pushing a microphone stand like a zimmer frame. Seriously, if you've not seen it yet, go and have a look at the video! That must have worn him out because he then procedes to breath heavily into the mic for a bit, before trying to sing a lyric, fails, and is consoled by his duet partner.
In this 'performance' he is definitely the Pussycat Dolls to Beyonce's Nicole Scherzinger. To make matters worse for poor ol' Tricky, Sean Paul is STILL being played over the top of the track.

This poor guy looks to be a contest winner who is promptly disposed of!
Still, good to know that it doesn't matter how talentless you might be, as long as you've got famous friends, you're gonna be fine :)

Milton Jones

I'm going to do this blog post in the style of this so called comedian.

I've heard Milton Jones do his act - not very funny

The end

Seriously, I can't be the only person in the world to think that reading a bunch of joke books and then regurgitating them with no linking in between isn't exactly top class comedy. I don't know if people feel sorry for him (the way they do when they see a 3 legged dog or something) and therefore encourage him. This is a very british thing to do (see 'plucky' Tim Henman for example) but I think it's about time we took a stand against this sort of comedy which, frankly, I thought died in the 80's

How my life in over spec'd

I've just been driving at 30mph in a car that can do 140.
My watch is suitable for deep sea diving because, let's face it, I often find myself 200 metres below the sea.
My ipod can hold 10 bazillion songs which is really worthwhile when you consider that I can still only listen to one at a time and I've got a favourites playlist that probably doesn't even top 200 songs.
My bike has 27 gears which would be useful if I was trying to cycles up the Eiger - on the roads it seems a bit ridiculous.
My Sky box can receive 1000 channels and yet I still only watch Top Gear on Dave.
My sleeping bag is rated down to -15 and I find this most useful when sleeping in 20 degrees at a friend's house.
I've got a pen that can write in space.

Still, I wouldn't want to give these things up :)