I've got nothing against advertising executives. They've brought us classic adverts like that awesome Honda one, and most of the older beer ones are brilliant during half time at the football.
I DO have a problem when advertisers try to sell us something that we already have.
Take the new Ford adverts for example. Apparently all new Fords come with an easy fuel system (I don't understand how you can have a not easy fuel system) and quick clearing windscreen (because I don't know how I manage with my regular speed clearing windscreen). I'm surprised that they haven't told us that their cars have wheels. Oh wait, they do! No longer must we wallow about with our normal car stability systems. Ford have brought us their all new advanced car stability systems.
Do they really have nothing else to tell us about their new cars? I suppose it saves money - rather than having many different adverts featuring cars, that are all aimed at specific age groups etc they manage to make just one generic advert.
Why not just put the logo on our screens with a tagline with 'We make cars' or something like that? I'm sure it'd be cheaper.
Still, I'd rather watch that Ford advert a thousand times than watch Mr Go Compare!
Thursday 8 September 2011
Thursday 1 September 2011
Don't kill me, but I don't like Star Wars. Or The Hangover. Or the Simpsons.....
It feels good to get this off my chest. I might be one of the only engineers who doesn't like Star Wars.
Don't get me wrong, it's not in the same league as Rango (which I saw by mistake, thinking that Dreamworks made it), Sex and the City, the Simpsons (tv show, not the movie which was sittable), or The Hangover.
I don't get the whole obsession with the franchise around this! George Lucas should be remembered for making 2 awesome Indiana Jones films (as well as 2 other ones which we won't mention here). I have the sneaking suspicion that people love Star Wars because it was the only film that came out in 1977, but there were others which are considered good. For starters, Rocky made his debut at the start of the year and made quite a lot in the box office, but people don't dress up as Stalone and speak in an Italian-American accent whenever a new Rocky film is released.
I just don't get it. Did I watch the wrong film? I've tried to sit through various episodes and only managed to see 4, part of 5 and 1 and this took well over a month of sitting down for 20 minutes at a time until boredom crept up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and offered me something better to do. Like watch an old Star Trek episode or check my belly button for fluff.
While I'm at it I feel I should explain my distain for The Hangover and the Simpsons.
Both contain jokes that are written backwards - i.e. the writers think of a funny punchline and work backwards to create a scenario (in the case of The Hangover) or a part of speech (for the Simpsons) that allows for this conclusion. Not big and not clever.
Don't get me wrong, it's not in the same league as Rango (which I saw by mistake, thinking that Dreamworks made it), Sex and the City, the Simpsons (tv show, not the movie which was sittable), or The Hangover.
I don't get the whole obsession with the franchise around this! George Lucas should be remembered for making 2 awesome Indiana Jones films (as well as 2 other ones which we won't mention here). I have the sneaking suspicion that people love Star Wars because it was the only film that came out in 1977, but there were others which are considered good. For starters, Rocky made his debut at the start of the year and made quite a lot in the box office, but people don't dress up as Stalone and speak in an Italian-American accent whenever a new Rocky film is released.
I just don't get it. Did I watch the wrong film? I've tried to sit through various episodes and only managed to see 4, part of 5 and 1 and this took well over a month of sitting down for 20 minutes at a time until boredom crept up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and offered me something better to do. Like watch an old Star Trek episode or check my belly button for fluff.
While I'm at it I feel I should explain my distain for The Hangover and the Simpsons.
Both contain jokes that are written backwards - i.e. the writers think of a funny punchline and work backwards to create a scenario (in the case of The Hangover) or a part of speech (for the Simpsons) that allows for this conclusion. Not big and not clever.
Tuesday 30 August 2011
As if my life isn't scary enough as it is
I'd like to start this post with an apology for taking so long between posts - but then again, I'm not being paid for this, so, your move......
On to business!
I was thinking the other day about how people in general do things every day to 'make them feel alive'. What a weird expression this is! If you want to feel alive then just sit there and consider your position in the immense universe. Pretty soon you'll be overawed with the immensity of it all and need a bit of a sleep and possibly a McFlurry.
Why would anyone want to make their life more dangerous just to feel alive? I think my life is dangerous enough as it is! Take my morning ritual of getting up, showering, getting dressed, eating and out the door.
First off the bat I could die in my sleep. Then slip in the shower and break my neck. After that I've got to tread lightly across the tiled bathroom floor making sure I don't put too much torque down or I'll be on my back trying not to cough up my spleen. Breakfast involves me using all sorts of electrical appliances that could go wrong and burn the house down. THEN I've got to actually go outside and interact with my fellow human being. If history has told us anything, it is that people are not to be trusted. They don't look when you're crossing the road. They drop stuff from building sites. Some (and I'd like to point out that it is often the Japanese section of the world here) just go bat sh*t crazy and cut people with a box opener.
Now, I don't know about you, but there is enough danger in my normal life that I don't have to jump out of a perfectly working aeroplane or climb a really big hill just to feel something. Seriously, go outside and just think of how lucky you are to live in the present time and thank your stars that you're alive to feel it.
On to business!
I was thinking the other day about how people in general do things every day to 'make them feel alive'. What a weird expression this is! If you want to feel alive then just sit there and consider your position in the immense universe. Pretty soon you'll be overawed with the immensity of it all and need a bit of a sleep and possibly a McFlurry.
Why would anyone want to make their life more dangerous just to feel alive? I think my life is dangerous enough as it is! Take my morning ritual of getting up, showering, getting dressed, eating and out the door.
First off the bat I could die in my sleep. Then slip in the shower and break my neck. After that I've got to tread lightly across the tiled bathroom floor making sure I don't put too much torque down or I'll be on my back trying not to cough up my spleen. Breakfast involves me using all sorts of electrical appliances that could go wrong and burn the house down. THEN I've got to actually go outside and interact with my fellow human being. If history has told us anything, it is that people are not to be trusted. They don't look when you're crossing the road. They drop stuff from building sites. Some (and I'd like to point out that it is often the Japanese section of the world here) just go bat sh*t crazy and cut people with a box opener.
Now, I don't know about you, but there is enough danger in my normal life that I don't have to jump out of a perfectly working aeroplane or climb a really big hill just to feel something. Seriously, go outside and just think of how lucky you are to live in the present time and thank your stars that you're alive to feel it.
Thursday 14 July 2011
The future - internet gold accounts?
Browsing the web today is not like it was 3 years ago. Everything is now owned by google or a similarly massive company so your data is shared by every website around.
Incidentally, the beauty of facebook over Google+ is that facebook only has SOME of your data. Google has ALL of it! Access to your emails, your search history, google checkouts, Skype calls, the lot. Just be careful what you search for.....
Anyway, getting back a bit on topic, will the next few years bring with it a gold account version of the internet?
I am thinking that a resourceful company will come up with some way to offer full VIP access to your regular trolling sites. This could include YouTube with no adverts, no popups on your newspaper of choice etc.
I really hope that the internet doesn't go down this route - it should always be free - but I feel that in a future where more and more people are accessing the same information, a need wil arise for some people to feel 'VIP' and therefore better than everyone else.
Incidentally, the beauty of facebook over Google+ is that facebook only has SOME of your data. Google has ALL of it! Access to your emails, your search history, google checkouts, Skype calls, the lot. Just be careful what you search for.....
Anyway, getting back a bit on topic, will the next few years bring with it a gold account version of the internet?
I am thinking that a resourceful company will come up with some way to offer full VIP access to your regular trolling sites. This could include YouTube with no adverts, no popups on your newspaper of choice etc.
I really hope that the internet doesn't go down this route - it should always be free - but I feel that in a future where more and more people are accessing the same information, a need wil arise for some people to feel 'VIP' and therefore better than everyone else.
Wednesday 29 June 2011
An Open Letter to the People of Greece
Hello people of Greece! :)
First of all, I never congratulated you on winning Euro 2004, so well done for that.
On to my main topic regarding your rioting in the city centres in response to your government's plans to cut a few billion euros from the budget. Have you not been watching ANY news recently? You were almost bought by CHINA!! Things are getting slightly serious when a country 6,000 miles away is the only one that will invest in you. I think this is now the standard length of the proverbial 'barge pole'. Yes, 6,000 miles sounds about right.
If you must be reminded, your economy is broke and last year you received $145 billion (yes, BILLION with 9 zeros) in aid from the IMF and EU to pay off debts. Your credit rating is below the stalwart nations of Jamaica, Ghana and Belarus.
Seriously, rioting in the street costs even more money to fix (money, which I will remind you, you do not have). You're shooting yourselves in the foot!
First of all, I never congratulated you on winning Euro 2004, so well done for that.
On to my main topic regarding your rioting in the city centres in response to your government's plans to cut a few billion euros from the budget. Have you not been watching ANY news recently? You were almost bought by CHINA!! Things are getting slightly serious when a country 6,000 miles away is the only one that will invest in you. I think this is now the standard length of the proverbial 'barge pole'. Yes, 6,000 miles sounds about right.
If you must be reminded, your economy is broke and last year you received $145 billion (yes, BILLION with 9 zeros) in aid from the IMF and EU to pay off debts. Your credit rating is below the stalwart nations of Jamaica, Ghana and Belarus.
Seriously, rioting in the street costs even more money to fix (money, which I will remind you, you do not have). You're shooting yourselves in the foot!
Tuesday 28 June 2011
Tricky
Let's get to the point right away - there is NO WAY ON EARTH that you can look good when performing with Beyonce. OK, Jay-Z can do it, but he's rapping with her, not singing with her so it's something else.
For her Glastonbury 2011 performance Beyonce introduced us to her personal 'friend' Tricky (stop laughing! It's probably a real name......)
He comes in pushing a microphone stand like a zimmer frame. Seriously, if you've not seen it yet, go and have a look at the video! That must have worn him out because he then procedes to breath heavily into the mic for a bit, before trying to sing a lyric, fails, and is consoled by his duet partner.
In this 'performance' he is definitely the Pussycat Dolls to Beyonce's Nicole Scherzinger. To make matters worse for poor ol' Tricky, Sean Paul is STILL being played over the top of the track.
This poor guy looks to be a contest winner who is promptly disposed of!
Still, good to know that it doesn't matter how talentless you might be, as long as you've got famous friends, you're gonna be fine :)
For her Glastonbury 2011 performance Beyonce introduced us to her personal 'friend' Tricky (stop laughing! It's probably a real name......)
He comes in pushing a microphone stand like a zimmer frame. Seriously, if you've not seen it yet, go and have a look at the video! That must have worn him out because he then procedes to breath heavily into the mic for a bit, before trying to sing a lyric, fails, and is consoled by his duet partner.
In this 'performance' he is definitely the Pussycat Dolls to Beyonce's Nicole Scherzinger. To make matters worse for poor ol' Tricky, Sean Paul is STILL being played over the top of the track.
This poor guy looks to be a contest winner who is promptly disposed of!
Still, good to know that it doesn't matter how talentless you might be, as long as you've got famous friends, you're gonna be fine :)
Tuesday 14 June 2011
Milton Jones
I'm going to do this blog post in the style of this so called comedian.
I've heard Milton Jones do his act - not very funny
The end
Seriously, I can't be the only person in the world to think that reading a bunch of joke books and then regurgitating them with no linking in between isn't exactly top class comedy. I don't know if people feel sorry for him (the way they do when they see a 3 legged dog or something) and therefore encourage him. This is a very british thing to do (see 'plucky' Tim Henman for example) but I think it's about time we took a stand against this sort of comedy which, frankly, I thought died in the 80's
I've heard Milton Jones do his act - not very funny
The end
Seriously, I can't be the only person in the world to think that reading a bunch of joke books and then regurgitating them with no linking in between isn't exactly top class comedy. I don't know if people feel sorry for him (the way they do when they see a 3 legged dog or something) and therefore encourage him. This is a very british thing to do (see 'plucky' Tim Henman for example) but I think it's about time we took a stand against this sort of comedy which, frankly, I thought died in the 80's
Monday 6 June 2011
How my life in over spec'd
I've just been driving at 30mph in a car that can do 140.
My watch is suitable for deep sea diving because, let's face it, I often find myself 200 metres below the sea.
My ipod can hold 10 bazillion songs which is really worthwhile when you consider that I can still only listen to one at a time and I've got a favourites playlist that probably doesn't even top 200 songs.
My bike has 27 gears which would be useful if I was trying to cycles up the Eiger - on the roads it seems a bit ridiculous.
My Sky box can receive 1000 channels and yet I still only watch Top Gear on Dave.
My sleeping bag is rated down to -15 and I find this most useful when sleeping in 20 degrees at a friend's house.
I've got a pen that can write in space.
Still, I wouldn't want to give these things up :)
My watch is suitable for deep sea diving because, let's face it, I often find myself 200 metres below the sea.
My ipod can hold 10 bazillion songs which is really worthwhile when you consider that I can still only listen to one at a time and I've got a favourites playlist that probably doesn't even top 200 songs.
My bike has 27 gears which would be useful if I was trying to cycles up the Eiger - on the roads it seems a bit ridiculous.
My Sky box can receive 1000 channels and yet I still only watch Top Gear on Dave.
My sleeping bag is rated down to -15 and I find this most useful when sleeping in 20 degrees at a friend's house.
I've got a pen that can write in space.
Still, I wouldn't want to give these things up :)
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Soft fruit :\
When I eat at people's houses in the Summer months, the pudding is, invariably, soft, sweet fruit. I was having a discussion with someone today about my views on this most undelectable of desserts and would like to share them.
I do NOT like soft fruit.
There! I said it!
They are always a let down for me. I remember when strawberries used to be sweet and juicy. Now they seem to taste exactly like the Haribo versions. Peaches and nectarines have gone the same way, and don't get me started on the standard sour apricot.
Just not worth it I'm afraid :(
I do NOT like soft fruit.
There! I said it!
They are always a let down for me. I remember when strawberries used to be sweet and juicy. Now they seem to taste exactly like the Haribo versions. Peaches and nectarines have gone the same way, and don't get me started on the standard sour apricot.
Just not worth it I'm afraid :(
Thursday 19 May 2011
Sounding smart when drunk.....
Reproduced from the internets.
Things that are difficult to say when drunk
Things that are difficult to say when drunk
- Indubitably
- Innovative
- Preliminary
- Proliferation
- Cinnamon
- Specificity
- British Constitution
- Passive-aggresive disorder
- Loquacious
- Transubstantiate
- Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
- Nope, no more booze for me
- Sorry, but you're not really my type
- Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out?
- Oh, I just couldn't. Nobody wants to hear me sing
- Sorry, I'm being such a jackass
Wednesday 18 May 2011
Night driving, headlights and pheasants
Doing a lot of night driving, I've come to the conclusion that most road users (I am of course excluding myself from this since I am an obvisouly exemplary driver) are a danger to life and limb.
This thought came around due to the frequency in which my rear view mirror is filled with ultra high beam xenon lights. These used to be the reserve of the BMW/Audi/Mercedes driver and I can live with that. You pay £50,000 for a car, you deserve to let people in front of you know about it. However, it appears that these headlights are coming as either upgrades or standard equipment on more everyday cars.
The VW Golf is a top offender, with their drivers cocooned in the middle lane, illuminating anything and everything on both sides of a dual carriageway. It could be that they are being safe in that if they were to drive on the continent they would not need to adjust their headlights at all - saving one thing from the 'to do' list.
Lots of the newer Toyota models have this issue, but surprisingly I don't find it an issue with the Prius (I've got plenty of other issues with that car, but this isn't one of them). The Prius is capable of some truly remarkable motorway speeds - a point that I've never seen mentioned in their ads - and it soon zooms past and glides off in to the night.
I recently had to replace my headlights and since I wanted to waste a morning I chose to do it myself. Knowing what I do now about how the holders are on springs and BOTH sides to be removed, this would be a 10 minute job. However, it may have taken me over an hour, laptop in hand, to solve the mystery of 'Why won't my headlight bracket come off?!?'. Still, in the end it was sorted and I've replaced my bulb with a high intensity one....... yes, I illuminate the ENTIRE road surface (so much so that roadworkers could use my car instead of those floodlights on an articulated arm) and I feel bad driving behind someone on the motorway. But you know what, without those headlights I never would have seen the pheasant that nearly had me scraping feathers out of my wheelarch for a week.
So, to sum up. I hated those lights and now I've joined the club :s
This thought came around due to the frequency in which my rear view mirror is filled with ultra high beam xenon lights. These used to be the reserve of the BMW/Audi/Mercedes driver and I can live with that. You pay £50,000 for a car, you deserve to let people in front of you know about it. However, it appears that these headlights are coming as either upgrades or standard equipment on more everyday cars.
The VW Golf is a top offender, with their drivers cocooned in the middle lane, illuminating anything and everything on both sides of a dual carriageway. It could be that they are being safe in that if they were to drive on the continent they would not need to adjust their headlights at all - saving one thing from the 'to do' list.
Lots of the newer Toyota models have this issue, but surprisingly I don't find it an issue with the Prius (I've got plenty of other issues with that car, but this isn't one of them). The Prius is capable of some truly remarkable motorway speeds - a point that I've never seen mentioned in their ads - and it soon zooms past and glides off in to the night.
I recently had to replace my headlights and since I wanted to waste a morning I chose to do it myself. Knowing what I do now about how the holders are on springs and BOTH sides to be removed, this would be a 10 minute job. However, it may have taken me over an hour, laptop in hand, to solve the mystery of 'Why won't my headlight bracket come off?!?'. Still, in the end it was sorted and I've replaced my bulb with a high intensity one....... yes, I illuminate the ENTIRE road surface (so much so that roadworkers could use my car instead of those floodlights on an articulated arm) and I feel bad driving behind someone on the motorway. But you know what, without those headlights I never would have seen the pheasant that nearly had me scraping feathers out of my wheelarch for a week.
So, to sum up. I hated those lights and now I've joined the club :s
Friday 13 May 2011
The Apprentice
This week I finally got round to watching some of 'The Apprentice' on iPlayer. This show is apprently really popular, yet I can't quite figure out if I like it.
It appears to me that the rich man (in this instance, played by Lord Alan Sugar) is using his wealth to make 12 typecast 'achievers' scrabble around doing his bidding in the hope that he'll pick one of them to be his friend all the while having them being observed by his royally appointed babysitters. Obviously there is the backstabbing and bickering that occurs in every work place, but this is not the first season of the show. Surely a crafty contestant would wait until their project manager (always shortened to PM which will surprise David Cameron) is asleep, handcuff them to the bed and then run off with the prize.......
Now, what happens if you're on this show to escape your boring 80-hour working week? Do you tell your boss that you've got TB and have to stay at home? Of the contestants this year a few look like they genuinely (I would say naively) believe they can win. Who books a 12 week holiday unless you say you're pregnant and that is one BIG commitment to lying right there?
Can Alan not find normal people to be friends with?
Is business so bad for him that he needs the BBC to pay for his stupid frosted glass boardroom double doors?
Is there a security team on the premises to stop them going on the rampage after being fired?
Speaking of his boardroom - he uses a phone (I'm sure it's not an Amstrad one......) to call through to his secretary who appears to be just an arm with easy clean hand attachment. It's actually quite freaky that a disembodied voice floats around and the contestants are then invited into the boardroom to receive the signal famous all over the world to mean 'Prostate exam', yet in this case means 'You're fired!'.
So, will I be watching more of it?
I'm sad to say that I think I will! The show has me hooked to see just how many idiotic things these monkeys will do for money. I'm secretly hoping that it's a double switch scheme and Lord Sugar is leading up to a challenge where the teams are faced with a dead body and have to take the blame for their idol. Now THAT is good tv!
It appears to me that the rich man (in this instance, played by Lord Alan Sugar) is using his wealth to make 12 typecast 'achievers' scrabble around doing his bidding in the hope that he'll pick one of them to be his friend all the while having them being observed by his royally appointed babysitters. Obviously there is the backstabbing and bickering that occurs in every work place, but this is not the first season of the show. Surely a crafty contestant would wait until their project manager (always shortened to PM which will surprise David Cameron) is asleep, handcuff them to the bed and then run off with the prize.......
Now, what happens if you're on this show to escape your boring 80-hour working week? Do you tell your boss that you've got TB and have to stay at home? Of the contestants this year a few look like they genuinely (I would say naively) believe they can win. Who books a 12 week holiday unless you say you're pregnant and that is one BIG commitment to lying right there?
Can Alan not find normal people to be friends with?
Is business so bad for him that he needs the BBC to pay for his stupid frosted glass boardroom double doors?
Is there a security team on the premises to stop them going on the rampage after being fired?
Speaking of his boardroom - he uses a phone (I'm sure it's not an Amstrad one......) to call through to his secretary who appears to be just an arm with easy clean hand attachment. It's actually quite freaky that a disembodied voice floats around and the contestants are then invited into the boardroom to receive the signal famous all over the world to mean 'Prostate exam', yet in this case means 'You're fired!'.
So, will I be watching more of it?
I'm sad to say that I think I will! The show has me hooked to see just how many idiotic things these monkeys will do for money. I'm secretly hoping that it's a double switch scheme and Lord Sugar is leading up to a challenge where the teams are faced with a dead body and have to take the blame for their idol. Now THAT is good tv!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)